Kris.Ashley

Nothing is the same ever in life. No moments can be gained again or done over for a different result or outcome. We know this but it’s still hard to move forward after certain losses in life. For me, that loss is my dad.
Every joyous occasion has an overcast of pain and sorrow because dad isn’t here. Because dad isn’t coming back. He has passed on to spend eternity with God. Sometimes the part of that statement eases the pain but sometimes it makes me think, why God?
I will be 26 on Saturday and the thought that you won’t be there to sing happy birthday makes my soul ache. Christmas being just a few weeks after and knowing you won’t be there to play your saxophone to Christmas music and make a big dinner makes me want to stay in bed all day. I know I’ll never have you back here on earth, but that doesn’t take away the pain of knowing you’re not here and I will continue the rest of my life without my dad hurts so deeply…
I miss you so much.

Bad situations… We’ve all been in them. They can provide excuses for bad thoughts or behaviors, or they can be chances to rise above the situation and gain stronger character?

I’m watching a documentary on black opera singers, and they had story on Marian Anderson. She was a black opera singer who was invited by the President in the 1930’s to sing at Constitution Hall, but was later denied the opportunity because she was black. However, Eleanor Roosevelt invited her to sing in front of the Lincoln Memorial, and she opened her mouth and sang, “My country tis of thee sweet land of liberty…” She sang of the liberty that was being denied to her, how ironic. She sang of it quite beautifully by the way. I recommend looking it up on YouTube.
Listening to that brief history made me take an inward glance at my character:
How might I have responded to the 2nd request of performing at the memorial instead of the hall? (I think I would have said no.)
Could I get past myself, my stubbornness, pride, and high ideas of how life should go to accept the latter?
Would I still sing “America” or choose a different song?
**Although it would be fair to say history was made both ways. I can think of a lot of singers who didn’t sing south of the Mason-Dixon line in the 50s and 60s out of protest, and I do not lack any amount of respect for those artists or their approach of how they dealt with their civil rights by choosing to not perform in certain areas of the country.
It was just an interesting story that I wanted to share and it wouldn’t fit in 140 characters. Black history is fascinating to me. Thanks mom…

I have just completed my year of “firsts” without my dad. It hasn’t been easy, fun, or the best year my earthly measurements of my life, but to quote The Color Purple, “I’m here!”
For anyone going through a trial that’s rocked your foundation here is what I have learned-
1. Only God can understand fully what you are experiencing.
People want you to feel better & even with the best intentions will say things that aren’t true or blame you for being sad & not trusting God. So first pour your heart to God. Secondly, surround yourself with Christ followers that can walk with you through difficult times, and most importantly PRAY for you.
2. Stay in the Word of God.
The only comfort provided through words was/is the Word. The words of people don’t meet the need of the hole left in your heart.
3. Sing praise to God.
I found that most of the time in my deepest sorrow it wasn’t even that I was singing praise to God to lift Him higher, but to remind my soul of who I serve, and His love and faithfulness that has continued through thousands of years.
4. The pain is worth it.
I do not believe anything I have experienced has drawn me in closer intimacy with God than the loss of my father. I have truly learned to value the fact that His love cannot be taken away, and I’ve seen God’s glory through the tragedy. I can say without a doubt in my mind that God is real and that He saves and is still doing miracles. I know that He loves me. I know that He takes care of me. I know that I’ll be with Him forever. I do not find comfort in anything else because all else can and will be taken away.

God is good. God is faithful. God is true. God is love, and I hope you know His love too.